The idea of something or someone needing to become whole would first imply that they were broken. I felt there was no way the concept of being broken could possibly apply to me. After all, I’m an educated woman with two master’s degrees; a pastor’s wife; mother to three beautiful children; a mentor; a career woman and the director of a thriving women’s ministry. Of all the people you could name who would already be whole, I should top the list, right?
The realization that my need to feel a sense of completion and my journey to becoming whole started in May 2012, on Mother’s Day, to be exact. This should have been a very special Mother’s Day for me. It was my first one where I had the joy of celebrating motherhood (of two children) as well as the honor of celebrating my wonderful mother. I was about to celebrate the best Mother’s Day ever; at least that’s what I thought.
I went to the store to pick up flowers and a card to take to my mom on Mother’s Day morning. Normally I would sign her cards from my family (me, hubby, and kids) however; this time, I had only signed my name. I also remember taking time to really ponder on the words to write. For some reason, I was compelled to pour out my heart in the card–even more than usual. I couldn’t wait to read it to her.
The sun was shining bright as I drove to the nursing home to visit my mom. Several years prior, her health had begun to fail to the point where 24-hour care was needed. I was like a kid full of excitement as I drove to see her. I was so ready to kiss her; give her flowers; and most of all to read her the card.
Finally arriving at the nursing home, I entered her room and there she was lying in the bed with her head slightly elevated. She often liked to be “propped” up this way and would fall asleep in this position. I touched her shoulder so she’d wake up. Usually, I would let her sleep, but not today; my excitement wouldn’t let me. I just had to tell her Happy Mother’s Day! So, I continued to nudge at her to get her to wake up. I remember saying to the nurse, “Wow, she must have been up late last night because she is knocked out.”
After about five minutes of trying to get my mom to wake up, I still hadn’t realized that my life was about to change forever. The nurse had come over and checked my mom’s pulse. Then she called for other nurses and called a “code blue.” I immediately went into a state of numbness. They asked me to step out of the room as the paramedics entered. I called my husband and told him to pray. Surely between prayer and the paramedics, she would be fine. My mom has had several health bounce backs, and this was just another one of those scares. Well, on this day, May 13, 2012, there was no bounce-back…I had literally found my mom dead.
This “perfect” day, which was part of what was supposed to be a “perfect” week had become one of the most challenging and traumatic weeks of my life. I remember thinking, “Seriously Lord, you took my mom, not only at the beginning of one of the biggest weeks in my life, but on Mother’s Day…really?”
You see, not only was this week special because of Mother’s Day but it was also the week of the inaugural Be Made Whole women’s conference for our church. The planning for the conference had been strategically and methodically mapped out for the last five months and this was the week to finally execute. Everything was well under control and this week was to be easy sailing for me. Well needless to say, things don’t always work out the way we plan.
After this life-changing week had finally passed and time had progressed; I was faced with the reality that I had to move on with life. Of course when any major event happens to us, such as a death of a loved one, a lot of reflection happens. I specifically found myself reflecting on the four topics covered at the Be Made Whole Conference: my physical, financial, emotional and spiritual health as they pertained to my current state in life. I soon started to realize that the Lord did not give me those four areas just for conference topics. He knew that my mom’s death would bring about this time of reflection and consequently, a need for transformation in my life. He knew that I also needed to be made whole. Soon I came to the conclusion that May 2012 was actually the beginning of a life-transformation for me.
The word ‘whole’ is defined as containing all the elements properly belonging; complete. It also means not broken, damaged, or impaired; intact; and sound. Contrary to popular belief, being whole is not the same as being perfect. When a person is whole or healthy; they are able to fully function at their highest possible capacity. They are victorious simply because they are whole. They are complete because they can properly function at high levels successfully.
As a result of pondering on the four major components of my life, I found myself faced with doing some very honest and sometimes hard-to-face self-evaluations. I realized there were areas in my life that were indeed not quite whole. I then decided that I was tired of not functioning at my very maximum capacity…. and so the journey begins. My transformation journey to wholeness, that is. I decided not to procrastinate on starting my journey toward transformation, so I began immediately during the month of May.
For some reason, many significant things in my life, both good and bad, occur in the month of May. My husband and I purchased our home in May; I lost a pregnancy in May, my mom passed in May and my son was born in May. I have now proclaimed the month of May as the beginning of my personal new year. I’m glad that I chose not to put off my transformation plans, not even for another day. Traditionally, many people delay personal changes they want to make until January of each year. I chose the present. There was too much at stake for me to put this off any longer. My very life was at stake, my wholeness was at hand, and my victory was on the line. It was my GAME TIME!